Books from "experts" on "hoarding" ( BIT etc ) float the prospect of "healing" after possessions are discarded.
> "I will be able to talk to my daughter without an argument about clutter & maybe our relationship will get better" ( from BIT ).
The TV Shows on "hoarding" also sometimes show the "fairytale ending" - family members that just displayed the most toxic, coercive behaviors, suddenly happily reunited and apparently "healing".
Experts are citing healing / improvement of relationships as an incentive / motivation / bonus / goal of compliance with discarding agenda.
But, what if this is.. not exactly the outcome that can be expected ? Keeper discards their possessions, and.. abuse from family members continues ?
How about this alternative interpretation of the above line ?
> "Daughter holding relationship for ransom contingent on cleanup"
Chances of a sustained healthy relationship, free from blame, demands and manipulation, yelling and nagging on other matters, after satisfying demands and manipulation - probably not high.
Say, coercive family member apparently succeeded in their goal by means of nagging and yelling, and got rewarded with desired aesthetics and compliance.
Will they suddenly become more civil in their demeanor, or will they simply continue infringing on the keeper's autonomy, keep censoring their possessions indefinitely, and keep using nagging and yelling on all other matters that arise ?
Family members may be right in their grievances, but two wrongs don't make a right - chances are, the blame will never go away and nothing will be good enough, and respect and healthy relationship will never return if they ever existed, while coercion patterns only grow.
Furthermore, let's consider the possibility that the toxic behaviors *preceded* the overflow / dysfunction in possessions.. when, exactly, did the nagging and yelling start, was it always prevalent ? If so, discarding, which may involve sacrificing your projects, intentions, mementos, open loops, may be for nothing. Unhealthy relationship may have been a major contributing factor, or even a decisive one, in the growth of overflow / dysfunction in possessions.
Treating that with discarding is really like healing snot instead of the cold, it's like amputating a healthy leg ( if somewhat injured ), while keeping the gangrenous one untouched.
Think about it.