Sketch from life -
It's morning.
Spouse wakes up, comes out of the bedroom - already angry and frustrated, and this is showing.
Tone of voice, interrogating accusative questions, muttering under her breath, clanging of dishes.
It's impossible to have a constructive dialogue with someone who is already primed for negativity, without any "fresh bad news" ( as they say in Trading lingo ) - this is what I'm dubbing Hostile Baseline.
Now, let's imagine communicating your needs to such person - say, the need for your own private space, the need to be the sole judge of your private possessions, the need to do it on your own reasonable terms and timeline.. I think it's easy to image how that goes.
This might plug into these concepts out there -
* Hostile Attentional Bias / Hostile Attribution Bias ( A cognitive bias where an individual has a strong tendency to interpret ambiguous actions or situations as being deliberately hostile. For example, if you accidentally bump into them, they don't think "it was an accident"; they think "you did that on purpose to disrespect me." )
* High Trait Anger / Chronic Hostility ( A personality trait where an individual has a very low threshold for anger, experiences anger more frequently and intensely, and often expresses it in aggressive or passive-aggressive ways. The "waking up angry" is a classic sign. They are not reacting to a stimulus; they are in a pre-existing state of anger that is simply looking for a target. )
* Contempt ( One of Gottman's "Four Horsemen" of divorce. Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman identified four communication styles that are the strongest predictors of divorce. Contempt is the single most powerful predictor. It is not just criticism; it is a communication of disgust and superiority. It includes sarcasm, eye-rolling, mockery, and hostile humor. )
* Emotional Dysregulation ( The inability to manage one's own emotional responses. An emotionally dysregulated person's mood can be volatile, and they often "leak" their negative emotions into their environment (the clanging dishes) because they cannot contain or process them internally. See also my Emotionally Volatile Person concetpt. )
This is almost certain to translate into the Nagging and Yelling mentioned and tacitly approved by the "experts" on "hoarding", and which I point out is extremely costly and damaging.