Watch on YouTube: Is Tough Love in Hoarding… Really Just Bullying? Failed Independent Person Test | Hoarding Disorder
It is a collection of coercive tactics (control, infantilizing, disenfranchisement) given a compassionate-sounding but deeply dishonest name.
It's really disrespect by another name.
Try doing "tough love" with someone above your grade - your boss, your teacher - see how far it gets you.
Or, try doing it with a no-nonsense partner on whom you depend, who knows what's what, and who has free choice to exit the relationship.
No, "tough love" can only be done with someone who is beneath one's standing, and who cannot answer in kind or leave.
It works especially well with dependent, vulnerable people, or people who have no choice, cannot leave, and aren't even aware of the true dynamics.
It might be one thing being strict with a child, for their own good ; but this cannot be done with an equal partner or another family member.
It's not tough, and it's not love, it's just bullying and abuse from a position of power.
This is mentioned every now and then in the mainstream "hoarding" discussions, and each time I hear it, it makes me cringe.
"Tough love" with one's aging parent, anyone ?
It immediately shows the dynamics, as it is perceived by the speaker.
Translation -
"I am going to disregard my aging parent's concerns and protests, or strong-arm them into discarding their possessions".
Disgusting.
See also:
* Nagging and Yelling: it is toxic abuse, plain and simple, flat out ; and it is much worse than it seems ( similar structure )